Toon-Ins.com is proud to be the home of the world's greatest soothsayer, the planet's greatest prognosticator and the Earth's most profound empath...Swami Tommy! He has chosen us, the few from the many, to grace with his divine vision making this website the conduit from the ether to the corporeal. Swami Tommy has been proven by the Brookings Institute to be more than 100% acurate in his predictions on more than three occasions. We here at Toon-Ins.com accept the mantle of this great honor and responsibility with near total reverence and solemnity. By the way, did you know the word "milt" is often used to described fish sperm. On this page you will find the latest and the greatest predictions of the Swami for the coming year. You can email the Swami directly too if you have a question about the either your future or the future of global events. But first a warning...the predictions of Swami Tommy are so startling...so mind blowing...so beyond the capacity of your average intentionally dumbed down pedestrian off the streets that we are required to request that those with a heart condition, those currently pregnant, those planning to at some point become pregnant and those with spastic colon consult a physician before proceeding to the rest of the page.


AND NOW...WE PRESENT THE PREDICTIONS... OF SWAMI TOMMY!!!

 
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    PREDICTION 1 - A space creature replicating the form of Kate Moss will devour the man sacks of the entire starting front four defensive linemen of the NFL's Oakland Raiders causing the Korean Peninsula to start their own NFL franchise called the Korean YinYangs.

PREDICTION 2 - Life on Earth as we know it will cease when a vicious disease carried on the caraway seeds contained in rye bread wipes out 90% of all corned beef eaters. In a solemn ceremony to honor the fallen, Paul Simon will show his age riddled face in public causing people numbering in the millions to voluntarily commit mass suicide to avoid enduring the relentless violent nausea.

PREDICTION 3 - Steven Spielberg will produce and direct a movie that, while primarily centered around a white suburban mentality context, actually has a black person take part in a scene.

PREDICTION 4 - Your momma will become the crew slut on an upcoming Ozfest Tour. While doing rock stars from such outfits as P.O.D., Linkin Park, Nine Inch Nails and Ween in seemingly endless and implausible sexual positions she will be published in the Guiness Book of Records as the first woman to have the words to the Star Spangled Banner done in sign language inside her uterus.

PREDICTION 5 - A large talking train from an obscure public television kids show from the mid-eighties will surface somwhere in the Nectaris region of Earth's moon. Within days of its appearance, Chuckie The Choo Choo as it is called will have compromised the structure of our planet's crust by strip mining it of nearly all of its iron and magnesium silicate. The Earth's surface will begin to collapse in on itself and all of the property values of land in coastal areas will diminish slightly before the total destruction of all organic material on the entire globe.

PREDICTION 6 - Through the amazing time capsule work of Dr. Isaiah Perfidia, a small amount of DNA of every living creature and plant will be collected, preserved and will reconstitute itself somehow recreating life on Earth as an exact replica of how it was before it was destroyed excepting that famous Hollywood actor, Richard Gere, will be reborn as a tinker toy named The Richard Gere Tinker Toy.

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    The Predictions Of Swami Tommy are to be used for recreational purposes only. Any rebroadcast or retransmission of The Predictions Of Swami Tommy without expressed written consent from Major League Baseball is prohibited and punishable by caning of the feet until raw and bloodied.
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    Get your own freakin' predictions from Swami Tommy by directing an email to him...ask questions for your own future, the future of world events or ask to get on his mailing list of weekly predictions. Use your advanced knowledge of the world and your life on some get rich quick schemes or simply wow and amaze your friends and co-workers with your uncanny plagiarized prescience!